Christmas is approaching and it is around this time of the year that families start to make arrangements for the festive season. This can present hurdles for many families, especially those that have recently separated following a divorce. Navigating Christmas can be a difficult and emotional time for both parties, especially when children are involved in the situation, so it’s important to try and deal with the festive period in the best way possible.
If this is the first Christmas that you are separated from an ex-spouse and you are trying to ensure that your children (and yourself) have a good Christmas despite the circumstances, Joanna Hawkins, leading family lawyer and founder of Hawkins Family Law, has shared tips on coping with Christmas following a separation in the best way possible.
“Christmas in particular can be a very stressful time for families newly broken apart by separation or divorce. This is the case not only for the children but also for both parents – the one spending time with the children and the one who might be alone. Therefore it is good to have a strategy in place for how to cope with Christmas following a separation.”
Planning is key – It is important to think about it early, agree on what is going to happen and make sure everyone is clear as to the arrangements.
Remember to be fair – As a parent, the likelihood is that whatever you agree this year will be visited upon you next year.
Make new traditions – Christmas is a time of family traditions and sometimes this can make things very painful, so making new ones is a great idea in order to move forward and leave the past behind. If you are splitting Christmas day and not sitting down for lunch together, why not make breakfast a special meal? An “anything you want” breakfast will certainly go down a treat with the children!
Avoid going over the top with presents – try and see if you could share the cost. Attempting to ‘out-do’ each other with gifts is not healthy for either parent, so just as you would co-parent, work together and combine budgets to buy presents for your children that they will truly appreciate.
Don’t be hard on yourself – Whatever happens it is going to be different. You might feel sad, lonely upset or deliriously happy. Think about how you might feel in advance and talk to someone about it. Share your feelings, concerns or worries.
Don’t be hard on your ex – If they are without family, they may well struggle. If they live nearby see if you could arrange for the children’s presents to be exchanged on Christmas Day. The children will then see both their parents.
Most importantly, remember that things will get easier over time. If this is the first Christmas you have been separated, it will feel hard to adjust as you change the way you spend the day. If you would like some further help on how to cope with Christmas following a separation, it may be worth considering some counselling – more information can be found here – https://hawkinsfamilylaw.co.uk/family-law-news/is-therapy-for-me/
